Written by: Ema Grant, MS, LPC
You thought they were your best friend, your person, the one you’d face all of life’s challenges with. Until the unthinkable happened – you broke up and the friendship ended. Friendships end for a variety of reasons, sometimes it’s for the best, and every time it hurts. What are we to do with the messy, complicated emotions of losing a relationship with a friend?
It’s OK to not be OK
Grieving the end of a relationship looks a lot like grieving the end of a life. This means experiencing immense sadness, anger, guilt, and shock. It’s also normal to have a hard time sleeping, eating, focusing, or doing things you normally enjoy. It will take time for parts of your life that you shared with your friend to feel normal again, and some things may never feel the same. You’ll need to give yourself time to work through each of these emotions. Grief is really difficult but it is also a very important mental and emotional process. Giving yourself time to mourn will help you move past the loss in the most healthy way possible.
Accept the Unacceptable
After giving yourself time and space to grieve, you’ll begin to feel more at peace with the loss. Reality starts to set in and you find yourself able to get back to normal. Sometimes this means creating a “new normal” with your other friendships or hobbies, which over time becomes comfortable. This may not mean that you agree with the reasons or way the friendship ended, or that you approve of how they may have treated you. What it does mean is that you’ve come to terms with the reality that the relationship is over and are beginning to see the future without them in a more positive light.
Often after acceptance of a loss, we begin to find meaning or value in the experience of grief. In the end of a relationship, we often learn lessons of how we want to treat others or how we want to be treated. We may find strength and independence we didn’t know we had, or we may find a deeper connection and value in our remaining friendships. As difficult as a friendship break-up can be, it can also be an important part of learning to be a better friend and person.
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Ema is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Arizona and graduated with a master’s in professional counseling from Grand Canyon University. As part of the Evolve Counseling team, Ema specializes in treating trauma, grief, and life transitions in adolescence through adulthood.