Written by: Ema Grant, MS, LPC
Sexual identity is more than something we’re born with or choose. It’s a unique and personal aspect of what makes you, you.
As you probably know, June was Pride Month! Through initiatives and awareness campaigns from retailers, activists, and nonprofit organizations we have all experienced an increased attention to sexual orientation, gender identity, and sexuality as a whole. While much of this awareness highlights the broad spectrum of sexual expression and social justice for these expressions, we often do not discuss just how sexual identity develops. As teens, we are often discovering our own sexual identity and understanding the roots of these aspects of our identity can be helpful in deciding the language or labels we are comfortable using about ourselves.
Nature and Nurture
Much of our understanding of sexuality and sexual expression comes from the environment we’ve grown up in. The culture, religious beliefs, and gender roles modeled in our homes and communities write a template of what we understand about masculinity, femininity, and sexuality. Our relationships with our parents also set a template for how we interact with others, how to express our wants and needs, and whether or not we trust others to meet these needs. Unfortunately, our traumatic experiences can also impact our developing template for safe sexual experiences. These external factors can influence our internal experiences of attraction, attachment, and acceptability of sexual expression in significant ways.
Developing Over Time
We each carry the influences of our environment, family, and experiences into our developing sexuality. This can impact who we are interested in, whom we bond to, what feels safe, what feels enjoyable, and how we describe our experiences. As we experience both platonic and romantic relationships, and as we experiment with physical intimacy, we begin to discern our interests and values. We also begin to discern if we identify strongly with one orientation or identity, or if we experience sexuality on a spectrum of preferences. This can become challenging when we feel external pressure to label ourselves in any particular way, however we each must arrive at our own truth about our sexual identity apart from the expectations of others.
Sexuality is both a very personal and a very public aspect of our identity, especially in our current era of social justice and awareness. We often feel the need to label or confine ourselves to a specific definition, and sometimes the identity we develop can be at odds with the world we’ve grown up in. Regardless of how you identify or express your sexuality, it can help to recognize the ways your experiences, family, community, and culture have shaped this very important part of you, both positively and negatively.
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Ema is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Arizona and graduated with a master’s in professional counseling from Grand Canyon University. As part of the Evolve Counseling team, Ema specializes in treating trauma, grief, and life transitions in adolescence through adulthood.