Written by: Caitlin Alfonso, LMSW
As we go into the new year, we often spend time assessing various areas of life. Many times, we look at our social life and perhaps we think about joining a club, prioritizing more time with friends and family, or making more friends.
Social connection is undoubtedly an important aspect of our wellness. Science supports this with well-documented studies on the positive impacts social connection has on our health including increasing our immune system to defend from illness and disease! It also supports our mental health because we feel a sense of belonging, being loved, cared for and valued. Over time, this promotes longevity and healthier lives.
However, what we often leave out of the conversation is the assessment of the quality of the social connections in our lives. When we reference quality in terms of social connections, we are referring to the depth and positive impact of a relationship with someone. To evaluate the relationships around you, you can start with some simple questions.
- Do you feel supported in this relationship?
- Is there mutual respect?
- Does this person bring you joy?
- How consistent is this relationship and/or can you depend on them in times of need?
These questions can allow you to look objectively at your relationships. Quality social connections are ones in which you feel supported in. The person listens to you, respects your opinions and boundaries. You can share meaningful stories and experiences with them without the fear of them using that information in a negative way. When you and this person interact, you feel happy, safe and leave with a sense of feeling uplifted. In addition, there is often regular communication and/or the unspoken knowledge that you will show up for each other when needed.
On the other hand, you might not have the highest quality of connection if you notice that the conversations that are one-sided or stay surface level. Another sign is not feeling that you can be your genuine self around them, or you constantly have to defend yourself against their comments. The communication between you might be patchy at best, or you might even only hear from them if they need something from you. All of these are red flags that this social connection is not quality and may be draining you versus leaving you feeling connected and cared about.
As the saying goes, it is not about quantity, it is about quality and the same concept can be applied to your social connections!
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Caitlin Alfonso is a lover of coffee, reading, traveling and her dog, Remy. She is a Licensed Master Social Worker and owner of Acornic Consulting, LLC.