Written by: Morgan Liptak, MAS, LAMFT
From a young age, relationships of all types are being modeled to us. Sometimes it’s from our parents at home. Sometimes it’s what we see on TV and in the movies. As we get a little older, it’s our peers around us. Adolescence is typically the first time we start to explore the world of relationships on our own. You might start to wonder what makes a relationship healthy? On top of everything else going on at this stage of life, navigating this can be a rollercoaster. Let’s take a look at some of the key components to have a happy, healthy, and thriving relationship.
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. You should feel safe enough to share your thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and needs. Encourage your partner to do the same and make sure you are an active listener when it’s their turn to share. Bottling up feelings can sometimes lead to unmet needs and negative feelings toward the person you care about. Practice being open and up front, and you’ll be surprised how far a little talking can go!
Respect is a word you’re probably told a lot as kids by your parents when it comes to other adults, authority figures, etc. But it’s incredibly important in relationships as you get older. Respect simply means treating your partner with kindness, listening to their opinions, appreciating them for who they are, and communicating empathetically. If you find that someone is treating you disrespectfully (by doing the opposite of these things), you might take a step back and reflect on how healthy that relationship is for you.
Balance Independence & Time Together. Being in a relationship (especially your first relationship) is supposed to be fun! You’re going to want to spend a ton of time together and you definitely should plan activities, adventures, and regular quality time with each other. However, it’s crucial to balance this time with independent interests and activities. Whether you do things by yourself or spend time with your respective friends or families separately, it’s so important to maintain individual identities. This balance fosters a healthy relationship dynamic in the long run.
Don’t Avoid Conflict. We’re all human and disagreements are natural. It’s important to not avoid problems or place blame on anyone. As partners, the best thing you can do is tackle issues as a team and face them together. Effective conflict resolution involves two people putting their heads together to find solutions that work for both of you. Compromise is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Create Healthy Boundaries. Boundaries can apply to various areas of life; emotional, physical, and even digital. Define boundaries for your personal space and for what you are comfortable with physically. It’s also important to set boundaries with technology and social media, making sure you are respecting each other’s privacy. Be sure that partners are not engaging in excessive monitoring or being too invasive. To set healthy emotional boundaries, just have clear and open conversations early on about what’s okay and what’s not so you both feel respected and comfortable.
Every relationship is different, and people all have their own unique way of showing and receiving love. However, if you keep these tips in mind, you should be well on your way to building a rock-solid connection with someone you care about! If you ever feel unsure, unsafe, or are facing challenges in a relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor, trusted adult, or contact one of the helplines listed on the I am Teen Strong website.
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Morgan is a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who earned her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Arizona State University. She specializes in working with children, teens, and families struggling with anxiety, depression, disruptive behaviors, self-esteem, life transitions, trauma, and the parent-child relationship.