Written by: Hannah Schlueter, MA, LAC
This miniseries meant to give insight into the role you’re your friendships play in the development of your own identity. We’ve talked about how friends shape who we are and how we can maintain uniqueness. Now it’s time to talk about when a friendship is harmful to our sense of self. Let’s be real, almost everyone at some point in their lives have found themselves in a friendship that is doing them more harm than good. But it is not always obvious which friends have a positive influence on you and which do not. Here is some help on how to consider who to keep in your circle and who to cut ties with.
The first sign is if you feel like you cannot be yourself around a friend, it is time to consider how it may be influencing you. Do you feel like you can’t share your favorite movies because of how your friend will judge you? You don’t think you can vent to them about how you are feeling because they never seem to be supportive? Feeling like you have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, or act a certain way in order for them to be your friend? All red flags. Another thing to consider is how you feel when you are around your friends. If your friends are playing on your fears or insecurities, it can leave you feeling worse about yourself and drain your energy. Some friendships may be hindering your growth by influencing your decisions in ways that get you in trouble or risk your safety. A friend that frequently oversteps boundaries and does not consider your feelings is going to hurt you more than they will help you. Healthy friendships include qualities like respect, encouragement, honesty, trust, and kindness. While we cannot expect our friends to be perfect, we should be able to see consistency in their efforts within the friendship.
The main takeaway here is that the influence your friends have can impact you positively or negatively, and it is important to protect yourself from the latter. Ultimately, you have power over who you choose to be around and which of your peers have influence over you. If you are changing parts of yourself to keep your friends, it is time to reconsider the people you surround yourself with. You deserve to be around people who respect you for who you are and who make you feel good about yourself.
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Hannah Schlueter is a Licensed Associate Counselor (LAC) who provides therapeutic services at Evolve Counseling. Hannah specializes in working with teens and enjoys helping them navigate anxiety, depression, identity struggles, self-esteem, and relationships. Hannah has a passion for helping teens overcome their challenges and empower them to grow and improve their overall well-being.