Written by: Hannah Schlueter, MA, LAC
Part one of this miniseries helped identify the powerful influence friends have on our own identity. Yet, it is also important to discuss the value in remaining an individual. Friends can help us learn more about ourselves but should not make you feel like someone you are not. There is a fine line between the two, and what does a healthy balance look like? There’s a couple key pieces to maintaining your uniqueness while allowing room for influence from friends.
The first thing to practice is prioritizing quality of friendships over quantity of friendships. It sounds so cliché, but it is true. If you find yourself getting swept up by the number of friends you are influenced by, it is so easy to get caught up in the crowd and lose sight of yourself. While it is normal to try new things and seek out different interests or hobbies, doing so for the sake of other people may leave you feeling like you don’t really know yourself. Seeking strong, positive connections over a desire for popularity allows you to focus on creating friendships with people who have similar values, resulting in better understanding of each other and likely an easier time resolving any conflicts that may arise.
The next step is to acknowledge that differences are okay. In fact, they are more than okay, they should be celebrated! It is completely natural to not agree on everything. Your go-to TV show is Stranger Things, but your best friend prefers to binge-watch Outer Banks? Great! You might enjoy wearing all black while your friend’s style is colorful and vibrant. Good friends should support your different interests and hobbies. Maintaining your uniqueness includes honoring who you are as an individual, not hiding what you like or who you truly are. Pay attention to which of your friends respect, support, and encourage your individuality, and who does not.
Sometimes, the hardest part about maintaining your individuality is the most important, and that is to spend time by yourself! Getting to know yourself outside of your friends is crucial to better understanding what makes you YOU. If this seems incredibly scary to you, it is okay. You can build up your comfort over time by practicing. Start small by planning an activity of your choosing to engage in all by yourself, whether it be painting in your room or going for a walk around the neighborhood. Good friendships can withstand time apart, especially when you find yourself needing some extra alone time or if other responsibilities come first. They should not criticize your independence; they should encourage it.
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Hannah Schlueter is a Licensed Associate Counselor (LAC) who provides therapeutic services at Evolve Counseling. Hannah specializes in working with teens and enjoys helping them navigate anxiety, depression, identity struggles, self-esteem, and relationships. Hannah has a passion for helping teens overcome their challenges and empower them to grow and improve their overall well-being.