Written by: Morgan Liptak, MAS, LAMFT
Sports have been shown to improve mental health, physical health, academic performance, help shape identity and provide social benefits. It would seem obvious that playing a sport would be a positive choice for our well-being, right? Unfortunately, this is not always the case. In the growing competitive culture of middle school and high school athletics, teens are struggling with things like perfectionism, pressure to perform, anxiety, depression, and decreased self-esteem. If you are experiencing any of these, you are not alone.
Some common causes of these negative experiences are pressure from parents, difficult coaches, being chosen for play time, a fear of letting down others, pressure to obtain college scholarships, and unrealistically high expectations of self. Some teens even want to quit and fear their parents will be mad at them or have been told they have to “stick it out”. It’s okay, and can even be healthy, to be competitive; however, when it starts breaking you down mentally and getting in the way of letting you be a kid, there may be a bigger problem.
So how do we fix this problem? If you are experiencing anxiety or panic that presents as feelings of weakness, “butterflies” in the stomach, elevated heart rate, fast breathing, muscle tension, frustration, paralyzing terror, cold sweat, clammy hands or negative self-talk, there are grounding skills and relaxation techniques that can be beneficial for you in the moment to provide relief. Anxiety thrives when thoughts are focused on the past or future–” I messed up in my last game”, “Everyone noticed my mistake”, “I have to play well so my parents are proud of me”, or “My coach is not going to start me because I missed a goal in practice today”.
Grounding and mindfulness create a sense of comfort and allow you to feel more in control of the situation as well as more aware of your mind and body in the present moment. Some grounding and mindfulness exercises include:
Take 5 long, deep breaths (in through your nose, out through your mouth)
5-4-3-2-1. Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Take a hot shower or hold cold ice in your hands
Utilize a meditation app on a mobile phone (Headspace is a great option)
If your symptoms present more commonly as negative self-talk and perfectionism, you may have thoughts like “I should demand high expectations of myself because I work so hard to achieve my goals” or “I have to play perfectly today and can’t afford to make any mistakes”. While these beliefs may sound like they would yield positive results, they actually get in the way of performance and ultimately lead to lower self-confidence. To begin challenging perfectionism, you’ll have to work to replace the high expectations with manageable goals. An example I often use is that scoring a goal in soccer is few and far between. If that is your expectation every game, how often do you think you will succeed in meeting your expectations? A more manageable goal might be making successful passes, playing good defense, or maybe providing an assist. There may be some games you don’t feel so great about. This is the time to practice reframing. You didn’t win the game, but you had a lot of play time and made one really great pass.
Sports really are supposed to be fun and even when they are competitive in nature, they still can be. Just remember you are doing it for you. Don’t be so hard on yourself that the external pressures consume you and you lose sight of what is most important, your love of the sport and your happiness!
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Morgan Liptak is a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who earned her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Arizona State University. She specializes in working with children, teens, and families struggling with anxiety, depression, disruptive behaviors, self-esteem, life transitions, trauma, and the parent-child relationship.