Written by: Ema Grant, MS, LPC
“The waves won’t break my boat.” – Ed Sheeran
Resiliency is one of those things that’s easier said than done. The Oxford dictionary defines resilience as “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties.” The American Psychological Association defines it as “the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences.” Sounds great, right? Except when you’re actually facing difficulty and having to figure out a way to adapt or withstand them. Going through hard times often changes us, but how we handle them can impact whether those changes are positive or negative. So how does one develop resiliency? We have to examine our worldview, our social supports, and our coping methods.
Perspective is Key
Being able to have healthy thoughts about ourselves and the world around us has a substantial impact on how we overcome life’s challenges. Calling out our irrational or negative thoughts, and reframing them to focus on what is realistic and, in our control, can reduce feelings of helplessness. Reminding ourselves that change is a part of life and our future is not set in stone can help us see past the immediate difficulty to focus on the larger picture of our life. This larger perspective can help us be more intentional in the small goals and small changes we can make in the midst of hardship, which can empower us and develop our self-confidence and strength.
Prioritize Relationships
Social relationships and coping strategies can also give us resources and tools to make it through the hard days. We find strength and support in surrounding ourselves with safe and empathetic people. Accepting help and care from others reminds us we are not alone in our struggle and we do not have to get through it alone, either. Getting involved in clubs or other group activities can also give us a sense of purpose beyond our current struggles. Along with connection to healthy social support, we must build a healthy connection with ourselves as we go through stressful times. Staying active helps to regulate our nervous system, and spending time in self-reflection gives our mind a space to process our stress. Finding a balance of meaningful activity and mindful stillness can reduce stress and remind us that we can be healthy despite the challenges we face.
When we face life’s storms, we have a choice. We can either be tossed about by the wind and waves, or we can drop our mental and emotional anchor into the ground and believe that we will make it through. Challenging and reframing negative or irrational thoughts, taking a big-picture perspective, connecting to healthy and safe friendships, and connecting to our mental and physical needs are all choices we can make to anchor ourselves. We don’t get to choose what happens to us in life, but we do get to choose how we respond to it. Resiliency is developed through a series of small, intentional choices. In this way we can adapt, but also come out stronger on the other side.
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Ema is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Arizona and graduated with a master’s in professional counseling from Grand Canyon University. As part of the Evolve Counseling team, Ema specializes in treating trauma, grief, and life transitions in adolescence through adulthood.