Written by: Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW
Feelings!
We write songs about feelings. Art is created from joy, sadness, and everything in between. And… all humans have them! Just as naturally as blood flows through our bodies, feelings flow through our minds.
So, what is a feeling?
We’re not always taught exactly what feelings are, how to express them, or that all feelings are natural parts of being alive. Ever get angry? Totally normal. Ever feel jealous? Also normal. It’s not the actual feelings we experience that are usually the hardest part—it’s how we deal with those feelings, especially the tough ones.
Feelings are emotions that often lead to an urge—and sometimes, an action. That’s normal too. When we pause to think about what we can do in response to a feeling—to ease distress or encourage joy—we’re better able to manage our emotions and find healthier, more positive outcomes.
Where do we start?
Awareness. If you know how you feel, you’re already more prepared to respond in a helpful way. Think back: can you remember a time you felt sad, angry, jealous, joyful, or afraid? There are so many emotions to explore, and all of them are valid—even the ones we wish we didn’t have. Our feelings are actually signs of what matters to us.
Emotions reflect our values.
Feeling angry with a friend? That likely means you care about the person, or something they said or did. So, now what? You’ve got these big (sometimes overwhelming) feelings. What contributes to our feelings, especially with challenging emotions like fear or sadness? These contributing factors are called vulnerabilities. They include things like a rough night’s sleep, eating junk food (sorry!), past trauma, or just having a hard day. We call them vulnerabilities because they increase our emotional sensitivity.
Feelings are complicated.
And they’re not just mental—they’re physical, too! Inside, you might feel your stomach twist, or your blood boil when angry. Joy might show up as a racing heart or butterflies in your chest. On the outside, you might clench your fists or blush when you’re mad or embarrassed.
Feelings are real. And they matter.
Here’s the thing: feelings are like a faucet. If you try to shut off one emotion—say, sadness—you also shut off all the emotions. That includes the good ones like happiness, excitement, and joy. Emotional numbness can feel easier in the short term, but in the long run, it cuts you off from the full experience of life.
Ever seen the movie Inside Out or Inside Out 2? The movies are great examples of how we all feel a wide range of emotions—and how they work together. Definitely worth a rewatch!
Want to learn more about managing your feelings and understanding yourself better?
Reach out to a professional mental health provider, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or adult. You got this, Girl!