Written by: Hannah Schlueter, MA, LAC
Let’s take a minute to talk about the phrase “you are who you surround yourself with.” Other than family, friends are typically the people you spend the most of your time with. That’s why it’s so important to choose your friends wisely, because your friends have a massive influence on you. Carlin Flora defined the term “friendfluence” as the powerful role that friends play in someone’s identity and direction of their life. We know this to be true! Friends help us determine what is right and wrong, what feels safe, and what’s important. Friends influence the various decisions we make, whether it’s about outfit choices, which photo to post on social media, or how to tell your parents about the grade you got on your math test. They can also be an importance source of support as you share your feelings, thoughts, and dreams with them. Humans are social creatures, and friendships provide a sense of belonging that is important to one’s identity. Friendships help shape your values and play a large role in the development of who you are and who you will become.
Now that we know that friendships are a necessity, it’s important to look at the type of influence your friends have on you. Friends who share similar values and encourage you to be your best self are likely going to have a positive influence. Friends who attempt to pressure you into being someone you’re not or making decisions that don’t align with your values may need some reconsidering. They should encourage you to try new things, but not put you in harm’s way. Friendships also have a strong influence on your overall mood. Do you find yourself consistently feeling, frustrated, insecure, or generally low around certain friends in your life? Are there friends in your circle that judge the TV shows you watch, what you wear, or your favorite food? Take a moment to think about the influence your friends have on you, and if you need to consider making some changes with the people you surround yourself with.
Lastly, while friendship is essential, maintaining a uniqueness is also critical to a healthy identity. Friendfluence should not overshadow your individuality. That means standing up for yourself, engaging in your own hobbies and interests, setting your own personal goals, and even spending time away from your friends when you need to. It’s important not to sacrifice your own identity for your friends. Want to learn more about how to maintain individuality among your friends? Check out part two of this mini-series for more helpful information.
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Hannah Schlueter is a Licensed Associate Counselor (LAC) who provides therapeutic services at Evolve Counseling. Hannah specializes in working with teens and enjoys helping them navigate anxiety, depression, identity struggles, self-esteem, and relationships. Hannah has a passion for helping teens overcome their challenges and empower them to grow and improve their overall well-being.