Written by: Dr. Charlotte Markey
Body image is sometimes defined as how we think and feel about our bodies. For a long time, I’ve thought that definition is far too narrow. Body image is much more about how comfortable we are with ourselves; how comfortable we are in our own skin.
I suggest this broad definition of body image because body image is much more than how we feel about our hair or our thighs. To suggest as much is to reduce our sense of self to the superficial when most of us know that we are a book with many pages and not merely a cover. In Adultish: The Body Image Book for Life I say, “We cannot dye our hair or purchase the perfect pair of jeans to achieve high self-esteem.” Because life is just more complicated that this!
I would never suggest that our perception of our appearance is irrelevant to our sense of self. But instead of changing the exterior, it actually may be much more effective to work on our mindset. How we think about ourselves and our bodies can be changed – even though it may take effort! Here are some ideas to consider when working on your body image mindset:
- The appearance ideals will always be one step ahead of you.
So many of our body image concerns come from comparing ourselves to appearance ideals we see on social media, television, the internet, and advertisements. Models, celebrities, and influencers have “perfect” appearances that we often don’t feel we measure up to. However, what is “in” is constantly changing. Even if you devoted all of your time and resources to trying to look just like a celebrity, by the time you got close, the ideals would be different. She’d have a new haircut, new clothes, and possibly even cosmetic surgery!
- None of the appearance ideals are obtainable.
Not only is it impossible to achieve appearance ideals because they change often but because most of us will never have the time, energy, and resources to do so. For most models, celebrities, and influencers it is their job to look a certain way. They have personal chefs, personal trainers, make-up and hair stylists, and photographers with great lighting and even better photo editing tools. We will not achieve these appearance ideals because they are not obtainable without all of these things. Most of us do not want our life’s “work” to focus on our appearance.
- Body image can improve with gratitude.
In addition to pushing back about the appearance ideals we see all around us, we need to look to ourselves with compassion, respect, and gratitude. Our bodies allow us to live our lives. Research suggests that reminding ourselves of all the amazing things our bodies can do and what we do like about them can help us to keep a positive mindset. Take a minute or two each day to focus on feeling grateful for your body.
No one feels good about their appearance every single day. We all experience so much pressure to be “perfect” that this is nearly impossible. But, we can all nurture a sense of gratitude – even awe! – at the amazing things our bodies allow us to do and the lives they allow us to have.
This article was adapted from Adultish: The Body Image Book for Life (2024, Cambridge University Press) by Charlotte Markey.
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Dr. Charlotte Markey. Psychologist, professor and scientist, Dr. Markey has been a leading body image expert for more than two decades and the author of THE BODY IMAGE BOOK FOR GIRLS: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless