Boundaries refers to behavior that crosses the line of comfort and respect, for yourself and others. Engaging in uncomfortable or dangerous behavior physically, verbally, emotionally or sexually. Boundaries include what we say, what we do, how others treat us and how we respond to others in a way that protects ourselves and allows us to be safe, healthy and happy. We create sound relationships with others…and ourselves!
When we are uncomfortable, hurting ourselves or others through words or actions or have that funny feeling in our stomach that tells us something isn’t quite right…those are times we pay extra special attention. Is a boundary being crossed?
Here are just a few examples of how your boundaries may be at risk:
Physical Boundary Violations
| Sitting too close | Poking, pushing, shoving |
| Hugging without permission | Hitting, kicking, etc. |
| Tickling, practical jokes | Getting up in someone’s face |
| Pushing someone into water | Standing too close |
| Coming in without knocking | Reading journals, letters |
| Borrowing without permission | Listening in on phone calls |
Verbal Boundary Violations
| Threats | Profanity |
| Name calling | Lying |
| Gossip | Blaming (verbal and emotional) |
| Interrupting | Sarcasm |
| Insult, then “just kidding” | Tone of voice, whining |
| Yelling | Speaking for group, not self |
Emotional Boundary Violations
| Breaking a promise | Cheating on someone |
| Lying (also verbal) | Silent treatment |
| Shaming (also verbal) | Dirty looks |
| Telling someone how to feel | Shoulds |
| Mind games | Making fun of others’ feelings |
| Being condescending | Avoiding someone |
| “Smothering” behavior |
Sexual Boundary Violations
| Rape | Molestation |
| Touching without permission | Treating someone as an object |
| Sexual nicknames | Sexual talk, dirty jokes |
| Whistling, catcalls | Ignoring a “no” |
| Rating by number (she’s a 10!) | Talking to a woman’s chest instead of her face |
| Being possessive of another person |
Having a question about boundaries? Not sure what to do? Find a trusted adult and talk about it. Or call or text the TeenCrisisLine 602.248.8336 (TEEN). Come back to next month to learn about how to manage your boundaries and communicate them with others. You got this, Girl!
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Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW has over 20 years experience working with adolescents, families and couples. She is dedicated to assisting her clients in developing and strengthening interpersonal skills, creating healthier relationships and achieving new and positive goals.