Written by: Caitlin Alfonso, LMSW
As a former high school mental health counselor, I worked with a lot of teens. During this time, I noticed that I often heard some of the same comments, such as “My friend is struggling with their mental health, and I don’t know how to help them” or “I don’t know who can help me with my mental health. My friends are great, but they don’t really know how to help.” The good news is there are things teens can do to help their friends – we just have to talk about it more.
It can be hard and vulnerable for our friends to open up about how they are feeling. So, if they trust you with this, be kind. Think of it this way: if you changed your hairstyle and then HATE it, you wouldn’t want your friend to make a big deal out of it. You would want them to reassure you that you still look great and would probably let them try to help you make it look better. When our friends tell us their feelings, they trust us to listen and not make it a big deal. Sometimes, listening to our friends and letting them know you still care about them is the most powerful thing you can do in the moment. Of course, there are times when we need to get our friends connected with help to work through their big feelings and, in some cases, to help them feel safe.
One way we can help our friends is to ask a trusted adult. A trusted adult might be a family member, teacher, counselor, coach, neighbor – whoever it is, it is someone you trust to listen to you and help you decide how to best help your friend. Sometimes, it’s an adult whom you may not know well, but you trust them to help you make hard decisions around mental health and keeping people safe. Going to adults for help can be hard, and that is okay – there are other ways to help your friends with their mental health.
Peer support is a great option to help you help your friends. Peer support is the concept of teens/young adults helping other teens and young adults. These peers are often trained in the areas they provide support in. Many of these resources are confidential and free, so you can call and ask questions and get advice/resources on how to help your friend with their specific mental health needs. In Arizona, Teen Lifeline is a great local option, and a national option would be the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). If you want to do more to help your peers, you might consider volunteering and/or completing mental health training in your community. These are often offered through schools, local non-profits, libraries, and more.
The bottom line is, you don’t have to feel stuck when it comes to helping your friends. You may not know what to do in the moment, and that is okay. Simply listen and then consider going to a trusted adult or reaching out to a peer-support option to get more insight into what you can do.